


Under the Moon

by Palatinedreams



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Confessions, Confrontations, Convergence, Deep feelings, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Lies and Truths, M/M, Open but happy ending, Secrets, Self-Discovery, Suppressed Feelings, Talking, Trust, Trust Issues, Wraith Enzyme (Stargate), coming together eventually, journeys, stuck on an unknown planet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Palatinedreams/pseuds/Palatinedreams
Summary: Under the silvery light of a strange moon on an unknown world, the truth will finally come out.John and Todd have crashed on a foreign and uninhabited planet, and they're a two or three day's march away from the Stargate. On their long march back to civilization, John can't deny the truth and keep his distance to Todd any longer, and spending two nights with Todd under the moon of this wild and beautiful world will change not only his view on Todd and their complicated relationship, but also himself and his life forever.
Relationships: John Sheppard/Todd the Wraith
Comments: 32
Kudos: 97





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been with me for a very long time, actually even when I was writing under my old account, but I never sat down to write it until now. It became too long to post it in one piece, and the second chapter is already halfway written and will be up as soon as real life allows me to catch my breath and complete this story.
> 
> Kind feedback would truly be wonderful, please let me know if you enjoyed reading this story. <33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Todd crash on an uninhabited planet and have to walk back to the Stargate to reach civilization again, and when John tries to blame Todd for the crash out of his usual habit to blame the Wraith for everything bad, Todd is confronting him with some painful truths he never wanted to hear - and leaves him to make his way to the gate on his own. Will John keep up his self-deception and false pretense, or will he finally admit his true feelings and follow Todd to make up with him again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is not flowing easily these days, even though this story is actually so clear in my mind and has been there for such a long time. I hope this first chapter comes across the way I wanted it to come out. <33

The Jumper's nose was buried under a thick layer of leaves, branches and twigs when John came back to his senses again.

The crash on the surface of the planet must have knocked him out as John didn't really remember much of it, but he guessed that he couldn't have been unconscious for more than a few minutes as he was indeed hurting all over, but the dizziness and disorientation from his short unconsciousness were fading quickly, and he didn't think that he'd earned himself more than several large bruises.

The Jumper was dead silent though, the console not responding to any of his attempts to bring the small vessel back to life again. It wouldn't go anywhere on its own anymore, that was quite clear, and they would have to make their way to the Stargate on their own feet and contact Atlantis to let the _Daedalus_ pick the Jumper up and bring it back to the city later.

John remembered vaguely the direction in which the Stargate must be located, and he thought that the portal couldn't be further away from their current position than a proper two or three day's march, but it was only a small consolation and didn't serve much to lift his bad mood in any way.

“Why does that kind of crap always happen when you're around?” he complained, turning his head to the side with a pained groan to look daggers at the only other occupant of the Jumper next to himself.

The Wraith returned his reproachful glare evenly. His tousled mane looked even more ruffled than it usually did, but otherwise he seemed to be fine, brushing some leaves off his black coat that had made their way through the broken window front of the Jumper as he replied to John's accusation.

“I was about to ask you the same thing, Sheppard. Is it a habit of yours to crash flying vessels on unknown planets and hold others responsible for your inability to perform a safe landing? I couldn't help but notice over the years of our acquaintance that you seem to attract bad luck and run into trouble on a regular basis – which usually extends to your unfortunate companions in the process as well, then.”

John stared at the Wraith incredulously, and he needed several seconds until he'd found his tongue again.

“Only when the 'bad luck' includes a bunch of hostile Wraith which you insisted on meeting up with them for negotiations for a future 'alliance', thank you very much. They were firing at us, and we only made it out of there because of my 'poor' piloting skills as you might want to remember!” he growled, but Todd just narrowed his eyes at him.

“My brethren wouldn't have opened fire at us if your 'friend' Larrin hadn't opened fire at them first and without any necessity. Of course they thought this to be a trap we'd set up for them together with your questionable human 'friends'!” Todd observed, and there was an audible edge of annoyance in his former calm voice that alerted John. Having to walk through the wilderness with a good-humored Todd was already bad enough, but having to do so when the ancient Wraith Commander was seriously pissed off was more than John could deal with, and as always in such situations, he resorted to offense being the best defense.

“What did you expect from us – after all that you and your kin have done to us?!” he heard himself yelling, all of his far too long bottled up feelings breaking free at once.

Todd regarded him for a moment, and his alien features were lacking any emotion. “I see that Larrin and her people are 'us' to you, Sheppard – even though she has proven herself not to be any more trustworthy than some of my brethren are. She has chained and beat you up whenever the two of you met, and she has always followed her own plots even when she pretended to work together with you.

And yet here you are; willing to defend her clear act of hostility and uncalled provocation that will only lead to more bloodshed between both of our races – just because she's human and I am Wraith? The Commander of the other Hive had invited us to come on board, and he'd promised us safety and his willingness to listen to our proposal. He'd kept all of the promises he'd made and not shown any sign of deception or hostility until 'your' people attacked him and killed many of his crew. But instead of being angry with _her_ , you're growling at _me_ – again. I have to admit that I'm starting to grow tired of your unreasonable behavior, Sheppard.”

“ _You're_ growing tired of _me_?!” John snapped, and he felt hurt and rejected in a way he really shouldn't feel at all when it came to any Wraith. “Don't blame me for what she's done – I didn't invite her to come to these negotiations!”

“You're always blaming me for everything that's going wrong – even when it's clear that I have nothing to do with your mishaps, Sheppard.”

“I don't!” John said, but Todd just gave him a long look, and John glared back, not willing to be the first one to look away. They'd crashed on a planet miles away from the Stargate that would bring them back to Atlantis, and the prospect of having to spend two or three days in the wilderness with a Wraith as his sole company was not appealing to say the least, even not when said Wraith was Todd. Maybe being alone with Todd for two or three days was actually much scarier than the company of another – hostile – Wraith would be to him, for reasons John didn't want to think about more closely.

“Are you injured?” he grumbled to distract himself from the dangerous path his thoughts had taken, remembering belatedly that he hadn't asked Todd about any injuries he might have suffered during their crash so far.

“No, I am not, Sheppard. The few minor bruises and cuts from our – 'mishap' - have already healed.” Todd informed him, his voice now calm and even again. John could feel his glittering yellow-golden gaze on his back when he got up from the damaged pilot's chair to look for the things they would need during their march to the gate.

“At least that. As the Stargate is not that far away, I should be safe until we're back in civilization,” the colonel murmured to himself, carding with his fingers through his hair as he looked around. The rear hatch opened with protesting creaking sounds when he pressed his palm against the panel, and it stopped midway, but the opening was big enough for two grown up males to squeeze themselves through it.

“I see. So you weren't concerned about my well-being, but only about your own. After all we've been through together, you still don't trust me that I won't feed on you, Sheppard.”

Todd's words were a statement, not a question, and the damn Wraith actually sounded hurt.

John ignored the short pang of his bad conscience and craned his head to glower at Todd from over his shoulder. “What would you think if you were in my shoes, Todd?” he snapped, and the Wraith rose to his feet to brush past him and make his way to the halfway opened rear hatch.

“I would trust your word, Sheppard – the word of someone I have come to think of as my brother after our first encounter and the bargain you did honor back then - much to my surprise as I have to say, and opposite to what my expectations had actually been when we first met and I didn't know more about you than that you were for sure the most remarkable human I'd ever known. I have done so in the past many times and trusted your word, John Sheppard – just to find myself disappointed and in chains again. I'd really thought that I'd proven myself to you often enough that you would not doubt my honest intentions any longer.”

“It's easy for you to say that when you're not hungry, Todd!” John stated, and the Wraith bared his teeth in annoyance, causing John to take a few steps back.

“Whether I am hungry or freshly fed isn't of any importance when it comes to you and the word I have given you, Sheppard,” Todd stated, and John took another step back.

“So, you _are_ hungry?” he demanded to know, and Todd sighed and he looked almost desperate at John's stubbornness.

“No, I am not, nor did I say that I am, Sheppard, and you know that quite well. All I said is that my hunger doesn't matter when it comes to you, as I would not even think of feeding on you ever again. Besides, I have learned to live with my hunger and even ignore it to some point better than most of my kin are able to do. But that's not the point here. I would not feed on you even if I were close to starvation, and I had actually come to believe until now that you knew that and that you had stopped fearing me at last.”

“You never said that you won't feed on me again, Todd,” John pointed out in the attempt to defend himself, and the Wraith sighed again.

“Not with words, perhaps, but I'd assumed that my actions would speak for themselves. I see that I have been mistaken here – as you're still willing to trust someone like Larrin more than me, no matter how often she will betray you, just because of the simple fact that she's human.” Todd sounded resigned, and John bit down on his lip, at a loss for words and actually feeling guilty – which made him become even more defiant again.

“Maybe you won't feed on me, but you're still killing humans in order to feed!” John accused him, unwilling to give up on the last vindication he still had for his seemingly rightful mistrust towards Todd's intentions.

Todd's face closed up, and he looked at John with an expression on his alien male features like he'd never looked at him beforehand, not ever since they'd first met in Kolya's bunker and had been nothing more than strangers and lethal enemies to each other.

“What do you actually expect from me, Sheppard? That I'll starve myself to death to spare those who would kill me without blinking, just because I'm Wraith? That I'll die happily of starvation to show mercy with the men and women who are denying me my mere right of existence, and who would take greatest pleasure in finding new ways to torture me every new day?

Would _that_ final act of suicide change your bad opinion about me and make you believe that I _can_ be trustworthy – seeing me lying dead on the ground before your feet because I didn't feed anymore? Was me using the retro-virus on myself and my crew not enough to make you trust me? It's not that long ago that this happened and my crew and my Hive died because of your damn virus - you really can't have forgotten that, John Sheppard.

I nearly died too, and that I was willing to go that far for your sake also cost me my reputation and caused my former unworthy second to mutiny against me successfully. I did all of that for _you_ , Sheppard, and what did I gain out of my attempt to prove myself to you in return? More dead Wraith, more lost Hives, more pain and torture and more humiliation. Is that still not enough for you?”

Todd's multi-toned voice was harsh, and John flinched back from his wrath, suppressing vigorously the guilt and bad conscience he felt at Todd's blatant words – which were much closer to the truth than John could ever feel comfortable with.

“Aren't you going too far when you're saying that your Hive died?” he asked as he pulled his arms around himself in instinctive self-protection, not willing to acknowledge the truth of what Todd had just said about all the things the Wraith had actually done for him.

“Would you still ask this question when we were talking about your city, Sheppard?”

“This is different,” John murmured, but Todd only snorted bitterly.

“No, it's not, _Colonel_. I'm tired of this. No matter what I'm doing to show you that you can trust me and that not all of 'us' are the same, you will still refuse to see more than just the hateful, dangerous and traitorous Wraith in me and always hold my need to feed against me – even expect me to starve myself to death to prove my 'honest intentions' to you.”

Todd's eyes were glowing in the gloomy darkness of the damaged Jumper's rear, and John was paralyzed by his gaze, unable to avert his eyes from his own face that was reflecting in Todd's pupils.

“I won't apologize for my need to feed to you, John Sheppard. It's either that or my own death – it's either they or I. Do you really expect me to value the life of those who deny me my right to live just because I'm Wraith more than my own life – that I'll put the life of humans who'll kill me without hesitation and any thought of regret above that of my own brethren? That I will spare those who draw pleasure out of torturing me again and again just because they're _human_ and therefore value more to you than I obviously do, just because of their origin and regardless of their ruthless and cruel nature?

Each time I came to you to offer you my help and friendship, you put me in chains and promised me that you'd kill me with the next best opportunity, and I always took the blame for everything you accused me of.

But I won't do that again, not anymore. No more chains, no more blame for what I'm doing to survive. I will leave this place now and go to the Stargate to contact my brethren. You are welcome to come with me, or you can stay here and dwell in your childish and self-righteous indignation, it's your choice, Sheppard. But if you come with me, then we will be equals in each way that matters, true brothers-in-arms who trust each other with their lives and without any further humiliating conditions from your side, _human._ ”

With that Todd turned around and disappeared through the opening without any other word. John watched him go with a dumbfounded expression on his face and his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage. He could hear the small twigs and leaves that were covering the ground rustle as the Wraith crossed the clearing the falling Jumper had carved into the forests, and he strained his ears as he waited for his return. But soon the sounds of heavy boots breaking more branches and twigs were gone, and John realized with dismay that Todd had been serious about everything he'd said and wouldn't return to him to save him from his own stupidity and stubbornness. This time he'd gone too far and angered the ancient Commander that much that Todd had left him for good, and he'd better hurry after him and try to fix the damage – if there was anything left to be fixed between them at all.

*~*~*

John had packed some things into his bag, the first aid kit, the energy bars and the water bottle he'd found in the compartment under the pilot's seat and two thermal blankets. The sun was already setting and the shadows growing longer when he left the Jumper to follow Todd, and he was relieved that the temperature was still pleasant and warm enough to indicate that the nights on this planet wouldn't be too cold.

He'd been lucky that they'd made it to the Spacegate after their escape from the firing Hive and the attacking traveler's ship – and whose ordnance officer hadn't shown any consideration towards John's Jumper when they'd fired at the Hive, even when John had been right in the line of fire. So much to Larrin's trustworthiness and John's belief that he was more than just a pawn in her own selfish plots and schemes. He hadn't even had time to really choose a special gate address and had just dialed one more or less blindly, and that they'd arrived on a world that was actually friendly to life was true luck.

The Jumper had had too much speed when it had left the Stargate on the other side of the wormhole though, and the rather strong EM radiation had affected the controls and caused the vessel's crash on the surface despite John's attempts to fly back to the gate and make a proper landing closer to the portal.

Atlantis would already be missing them and probably sending out search parties for them, but not even Rodney could find them without any help or clue where they had stranded, and it wasn't likely that the Commander of the Hive Larrin had attacked before Todd could even talk to him would offer any help and tell John's people what had happened. All that was left for John to do was find the Stargate and hope that the dialing console on this side was still intact and allowed him to leave the uninhabited planet – together with Todd if possible.

Deep in his heart John knew that the Wraith was right with all he'd said, and that Todd had still been willing to ally with Atlantis after their return to Pegasus was actually a true miracle. The IOA had brought Todd to Area 51 to interrogate him and do their experiments with him before John had had the chance to keep that from happening, and it had taken him more than two weeks and a lot of threatening, blackmailing and scheming to get him back to Atlantis and then back to Pegasus as well another couple of weeks later.

The ancient Commander had refused to tell John about the two weeks he'd spent in the IOA's custody and what they had done to him, remaining silent about the horrible things John was sure that had been done to him. Todd had helped them finding another two ZPMs for the flight back and gone on an off-world mission for that together with John and Colonel Mitchell's team, a mission that had led them to a forgotten outpost of a minor Goa'uld lord. He'd been a trustworthy and valuable member of John's team during that mission and spared the lives of two young Jaffa when Daniel Jackson had asked him to let them live, and he'd left Atlantis after their return to Pegasus to go back to his own kin without any other word.

Being back with Atlantis where the city truly belonged had been freeing to say the least, and John had realized once more that the small galaxy had become his true home almost unnoticed and already years ago, despite the permanent lethal threat the Wraith still were. John had felt a huge wave of relief washing over him when Todd had returned to the city unexpectedly a few weeks later together with the offer for negotiations - but John wouldn't be John if he hadn't hidden his feelings and just kept questioning Todd's real motives and his trustworthiness at each and every opportunity. And now the Wraith was really angry with him and he'd left him alone in the wilderness of an unknown world, because he'd really fucked things up thoroughly this time.

As stupid and irrational as it might be, but John yet felt hurt and betrayed again, even though he was well aware that it was his own fault that Todd had walked away from him and that it was his own behavior that had pushed the Wraith away at last.

Dwelling in self-pity and unjustified outrage wouldn't get him anywhere, though, and Todd clearly wasn't coming back to him either, probably feeling as hurt and misunderstood as John did, but his offer to accept John as an equal partner on their journey had apparently been genuine, because John noticed with relief and gratitude that Todd hadn't tried to cover his traces. Instead the Wraith had left a visible track for John to follow him, a small but easily detectable path that the Commander had cut through the bushes and trees as he'd trudged through the thick layer of soil and leaves covering the ground everywhere.

Todd was so civilized and well-educated in so many sciences, and he was such a pleasant conversational partner if he wanted to be, that John sometimes tended to forget that he was also still a skilled and capable hunter and predator, a creature that felt as safe and comfortable in the middle of a thick jungle as he felt on the bridge of a spaceship or in one of Atlantis' labs when he was discussing a mathematical problem with Rodney.

John on the other hand was a skilled pilot and rather capable soldier, but he didn't feel at home in the wild of an unknown world, and he missed Ronon's scouting services sorely as he marched along the trail Todd had taken earlier. Darkness was falling quickly over the unknown landscape, and the tall trees with their huge crowns were blocking the last rays of the setting sun effectively. It didn't take long until John was more stumbling than walking across the path as he searched his way through the blackness surrounding him now, and he felt lonelier than he'd felt in a very long time.

The thick forests were surprisingly quiet as he also noticed, and he mused whether that was a bad sign or rather a good one. The Jumper hadn't been able to collect any valuable data about this world before they'd gone down, and John didn't know if there were already any dangerous predators lurking in the dark shadows between the trees and watching him – well any dangerous predators other than Wraith, that is. John would definitely have preferred Wraith over some huge hungry animal beasts - as they were a danger well-known at this point - and maybe Todd would yet be willing to come to his help and protect him from his brethren if the worst case scenario was about to come true.

The colonel noticed with astonishment that he didn't consider Todd to be dangerous any longer, something he'd stopped doing months and probably even longer ago, but he'd always feared that the Wraith would take advantage of this knowledge if John admitted that he'd come to trust him – something that looked really stupid here in the darkness of the early night on a lonesome and unknown planet.

John gritted his teeth and searched his way through the green vastness of the endless forests that seemed to cover most of the surface, hoping that he would find a place where he could stay for the night soon enough. The Wraith didn't need to rest as much as John needed to do, and his night vision was much better than John's as well, so he could walk all through the night and extend the big lead he already had even more.

John suppressed a pained groan when he stumbled over a root hidden under a layer of leaves and which he hadn't seen due to the darkness, and he felt the tiny hairs on his arms and his neck rising when the low roar of one of the animal inhabitants this world must have made its way to his ears. It sounded pretty close, and pretty hungry, too, and John grabbed his sidearm tighter and tried to scan the area behind the dark bushes and trees that were lining in front of him with his eyes.

A small flickering glow caught his attention all of a sudden, and he drew in a deep breath and kept his eyes on the orange light as he started moving again, hoping that he wasn't about to walk right into a trap as he headed towards the light with an expression of grim determination on his face.

*~*~*

The flickering light led him to a surprisingly large clearing in the middle of the sheer endless woodland, a green meadow covered with smooth grass and surrounded by tall trees and thick bushes which were building a natural barrier against bigger predators, as large animals wouldn't be able to approach them soundlessly because of the trees standing all so close to each other. A small creek was murmuring cheerfully along the line of trees on the opposite side of the clearing, John could hear the water searching its way through the grass and soil.

The big yellow moon that apparently belonged to this planet had risen over the horizon some time ago and ascended higher and higher in the dark sky while John had followed the orange glow to the meadow, and the faithful satellite was bathing the meadow in its silvery light now.

The ancient Commander was crouching in the grass a few meters away to John's right side, near several thick bushes that built a natural shelter against the cool night breeze that was moving the long green grass stalks and the leaves of the trees. His long hair fell in ruffled waves over his shoulders and his back, and John had never felt as happy to see the Wraith as he felt now, seeing the alien male kneeling here on the clearing of an unknown world and being illuminated by the silver rays of the moon.

“Ah, Sheppard, you've finally found your way here, so my trust in your ability to read the obvious traces I'd left for you was not misplaced.”

Todd didn't even bother to look up from his task as he greeted him, and which turned out to be the Wraith being busied with drilling small twigs through something that looked like a weird mixture of beans and potatoes. They were thick and rounded like potatoes but longer than them and of a green color that reminded John of beans. The Wraith must have been here for a while as he'd already set up a camp with a cheerfully flickering camp fire and woven several twigs and branches together to some kind of solid roof that he'd attached to the longer branches of two tall bushes.

“Yeah, thank you for that,” John said, sobered at the audible coldness in Todd's voice. He'd really hoped that Todd had already forgiven him like he'd done so many times before, and that he wouldn't be angry at him because of their stupid argument earlier anymore, but he could see now that his secret hope had been in vain.

“You're welcome,” Todd retorted in the same impassive and cold voice. “Opposite to what you're thinking I do not wish to see you becoming harmed in any way, Sheppard. I suggest that you get settled in here and help me with your dinner. These vegetables are nourishing and will provide you with everything you need for our march to the gate, but they must be cooked or fried to be edible. I've already prepared two of them for you, they should be ready in half an hour of your time measurement. I assume that you're hungry after your long walk.”

John swallowed, staring down at Todd's bent head. “Thank you, Todd, I appreciate your concern about my well-being,” he murmured, and he didn't even think of questioning the Wraith's announcement that these vegetables were edible. The long walk through the wilderness had given him enough time to think about his own behavior, and he couldn't deny any longer that Todd was right with everything he'd said – and that only his own fear to face his inner demons and acknowledge the truth about himself and his own deeds and needs was what made him behave like a complete asshole and idiot whenever Todd came too close to him – in the real and the literal sense of the meaning.

“I would gain nothing good out of your discomfort – or your death – Sheppard.”

“Yes, I know, Todd.” John let his bag glide down to the ground and moved his shoulders to work out the kinks from his long and tiring march, looking around to see what was left for him to do to help setting up their camp. He didn't find anything, though, and so he simply sat down by the fire opposite Todd to regard the Wraith from across the flames.

“You didn't need to do that,” he said when the silence started to feel uncomfortable, “I've packed some energy bars.”

“These vegetables will be more sufficient – and they're definitely much more tasty than your energy bars, Sheppard. It would be wise to keep those bars for as long as possible and rely on the food this planet offers to you so splendidly.” Todd eventually looked up from the potato-beans, and John's breath caught in his throat when he met his eyes over the flickering flames.

Their gazes locked for several long seconds, the two so different males regarding each other with intensive eyes. As far as John knew only Queens could force their way into a human's mind, but if any male Wraith could do the same, then it would surely be Todd as old and experienced he actually was. Wraith were immortal and didn't age, but they could be killed, and that the once so powerful and proud Commander had survived through ten thousand years spoke volumes about his skills and his will power. John looked down at the striking alien features that had been shaped by the millennia and everything Todd had lived through. Youth and the boldness only young beings possessed, war and countless battles, losses and victories, captivities and escapes, failures and successes, pain and torture, love, friendship and hope, all of these things had left their traces in Todd's face, and John wanted to reach out and touch the lines more than a hundred centuries had carved into his alien and yet so familiar features.

But instead of giving in to his overwhelming urge he wrapped his arms tightly around his pulled up knees and dug his nails into his palms. Todd's expression became guarded and wary at John's visible retreat, and he narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as he observed the vegetables that were roasting over the campfire.

“Do you require meat for your dinner, Sheppard?” he asked, his voice impassive and his face turned away from John. “I saw traces of several small animals on my way here, and I can hear the sounds they're making in their underground caves. I can hunt some of them for you if you want.”

John shook his head. “No, thanks. You've already done more than you had to do after... you know...” He unclenched his right hand and made a vague gesture with it.

Todd turned the vegetables on their twigs to roast the other halves as well. “No, I do not know, Sheppard, and I'm tired of guessing what you're truly thinking.”

John pulled his arm back to his chest, and he could feel the thin lines on his sternum itch with the distant memory of agonizing pain, right where Todd had once fed on him and left his lasting mark upon his body, a visible reminder of their special bond John was trying so hard to deny and ignore. He rubbed over his shirt in an absent gesture as he wondered briefly whether or not the Gift of Life alone would have left the same lines on his skin as the feeding had done.

“Well, that's something you don't really need to do at all if you don't want to – guessing, I mean. You can just get into my head to know what I'm thinking, can't you? You're not a Queen, but if any male Wraith can do that, then it would be you, right?” he asked quietly to focus his attention back on the topic of their conversation again, his gaze fixed on the ancient Commander.

Todd stilled his hand and slowly raised his head to meet John's eyes. “I have never been a witness to your astonishing resistance to Queens, John Sheppard, but your prideful and rather successful fights against them are well-known among my kin. Your barriers are stronger than those of any other human I have met in ten thousand years, the Lanteans included, and even stronger than the mental barriers of a lot of Wraith. You would know it if I were trying to invade your mind to read your thoughts.”

“That's not what I was asking, Todd. I didn't think that I wouldn't know it, I was just saying that you are one of the few male Wraith who can force themselves into someone's mind against their will.”

Todd regarded him for a moment, and just for a split second, John wished that he could read the Wraith's thoughts, too.

“I could invade a human's mind with weaker barriers than yours, Sheppard - which is a far less appealing thought than you might want to believe. I have been trained to control entire Wraith crews by one of the strongest Queens that have ever existed in our known history, and I can indeed withstand the intrusion of any other Commander – and most of the living Queens if I have to in order to protect and defend myself. Not even the Primary knew what I had planned before it was too late, but it takes much effort to do so and resist the demand of a powerful Queen without letting her know that I am denying her my true thoughts."

“Yeah, she probably didn't think that one of her male underlings would be so ruthless to kill her.” John lifted his chin up defiantly. He didn't have any love for Queens, but it still disturbed him that Todd had killed the Primary to gain power and rulership over her Hives, and this without blinking, even though the devotion towards any Queen was engraved in the genetic code of each male Wraith as far as he knew from the things he'd learned about this admittedly fascinating species.

“I was never one of her pitiful underlings, and she was never a worthy Primary, Sheppard. Do not judge what you cannot understand without knowing the greater behind.”

“Will you ever tell me about the 'greater behind'?” John demanded, and Todd inclined his head.

“One day perhaps, Sheppard.”

“Hmm, but you still haven't answered my question,” John said to that vague concession, and Todd frowned.

“Even if I _could_ break through your strong barriers against your will, Sheppard, it will never happen, so your question is pointless anyway. I value you as my brother, and I respect your boundaries far too much to risk causing the severe damage such an attempt would do to your mental and physical health – not to speak of the damage me violating you like that would do to our brother-bond and to what little of trust you might actually be willing to put in me. I'd rather have you telling me what you're thinking and feeling yourself, freely, willingly and without any force or oppression from my side.”

“And if I don't want to do that?”

“Then we will be facing the same problems and trust issues again and again, Sheppard.”

“Will you give me the same thing if I decide to talk openly to you? Tell me about your true thoughts and feelings as well?”

“The bond of brotherhood must always go both ways to grow strong and hold, Sheppard.”

Todd took two of the roasted vegetables from the fire to inspect them. John's stomach rumbled in anticipation, and the Wraith's face softened a bit as he reached out to offer the food to him.

“Enjoy your meal, but be careful, they're keeping the heat from the fire inside for a rather long time.”

“Thank you, they smell a bit strange, but delicious.” John offered him one of his trademark crooked smiles, just a cautious one, but Todd smiled back for a second, and the heat of his anger and hurt was gone from his eyes.

For the next minutes they both remained silent, but it was more a thoughtful silence without the angry tension that had lingered in the air after John's arrival. Todd was fine with letting John enjoy his dinner in peace and quiet and saw to re-filling John's bottle and his own water hose with water from the creek. John watched with interest how the ancient Commander knelt down and held his long white hair back with his right hand as he used his left one to drink, and the warmth spreading out in his abdomen had nothing to do with the hot potato-bean, but all with Todd's display of trust.

They were both trained and experienced soldiers, and John had learned long ago never to present his back to someone he didn't trust with his life, let alone put himself in such a vulnerable position right in front of a stranger like Todd was doing with him in this moment. Considering how many more years he'd lived and what terrible things he'd suffered in human captivity, the Commander's actions showed such a great amount of trust that John wouldn't use this opportunity to harm him that the colonel felt humbled and deeply ashamed about how badly he'd always treated the Wraith, not only today – but also over the last weeks and months.

He put the stick with the remains of the second potato-bean aside, captivated by the alien beauty of the ancient male. The bright moonlight was forming a halo around Todd's kneeling figure, making his tousled waves shimmer like silken silver threads and changing the deep black of his coat to a color that reminded John of molten and liquid steel. John could see only parts of the left half of Todd's face, the lines of the star-tattoo surrounding his eye dark against the pale skin that shimmered like pure silver in the rays of the large moon itself.

The Wraith looked like a mystic creature of the night like this, a fierce ancient warrior with almost supernatural powers, and John's breath hitched in his throat as he fought against the hot wave of primal desire that was crushing over him all of a sudden, leaving him aching and tingling all over and desperate for something he didn't even dare dreaming of when he was alone in his bed and sleeping.

John had fought against his most secret needs and desires since they had first made themselves known when he'd still been a teenager, so young, confused and unsure about who he really was and how he actually wanted to live his life. All he'd known all those years ago was that he didn't want to live the life his father had set up for him right after his birth – and that neither Patrick Sheppard, nor the military would accept the other side of him – the dark side that craved forbidden things he could never admit out loud to anybody.

Not even to himself.

John wanted to avert his eyes from the breathtaking sight, jump to his feet and run into the forest far away from the object of his so far well hidden desires. But he couldn't move, frozen into place and his eyes glued to the Wraith, who now paused and then slowly turned his head to look at him with a knowing expression on his face.

“Ahh, Shepparrrrrrd,” the ancient Commander purred, his gaze darkening, and John recoiled from the predatory gleam in his yellow-golden cat's eyes and the knowing look on his face.

“So much to you not trying to get into my head!” he snapped helplessly, and the Wraith bared his teeth in anger before he schooled his features back into a mask of calm.

John could see the sensor pits and flare as Todd inhaled the air with a low throaty sound. “Wraith have a very sensitive sense of smell, Sheppard, much more sensitive than the sense of smell humans usually have. The wind carries your scent in my direction, and it's very... telling.” His voice was quiet and without any hint of mockery or glee, but John still felt utterly humiliated.

“I see. Another advantage you have, as my nose is too dull to pick up the same clues from your scent, and I really can't do anything against the way I smell either, right?” he ground out, averting his eyes to let them travel around aimlessly, looking anywhere but at Todd.

The grass made rustling sounds when Todd left his spot by the small creek to come over where John was sitting, settling his weight on his right knee while he braced his left foot against the soil to rest his arms upon his thigh.

“I have, in fact, known about your desire for me for a long time, Sheppard. Nothing has changed between us just because you have become aware now of my insight about your physical reaction to my presence.”

Everything had changed, because John couldn't deceive himself any longer now, not after tonight, and not with the knowledge that Todd knew about his best kept secret, had known about it for years probably.

“You never said anything, Todd. Why? Why not rubbing it right into my face on any suitable occasion and blackmailing me with your insight?” he asked, his voice shallow, and he was acutely aware how close they were, he could even feel Todd's body heat despite the camp fire burning a few meters away from him.

“Despite of what you might think, I do not gain any pleasure or entertainment out of your humiliation, John,” Todd gave back, and John frowned when he realized how rarely Todd actually called him by his first name. “You clearly did not want to address this topic, and I respected your apparent wish to keep your feelings to yourself.”

John swallowed thickly. “Uhm, thank you, I guess.” He forced himself to finally look at the Wraith again, and he could feel his cheeks heat up, but he kept his eyes on Todd's face. “And what now?”

The ancient Commander tilted his head to the side, and he reached out with his left hand as if he wanted to touch John's face, but he let it fall back down before it happened, and rose to his feet instead.

“Now I would suggest that you finish your dinner and get settled for the night, Sheppard, I will have the watch as I don't require as much sleep as you do,” he said. “I'll be back in a few minutes, so you'll have some privacy.”

The tall Wraith disappeared between the dark trees before John had recovered from his shock, and the colonel watched him leave with a dumbfounded expression on his face, his heart hammering in his chest and his body aching with a need he could not longer deny.

John sat there for several more minutes before he eventually got up to clean his hands, his face and his teeth with the water from the creek as best as he was able to do so in the middle of nowhere, and he was lying under the makeshift roof Todd had woven when the Wraith returned from whatever he'd been doing in the forest. He was utterly exhausted and felt his eyelids droop despite his discomfort and all the unspoken things that were still standing between him and Todd.

The night was cool but warm enough for him not to freeze, and he'd decided to use the blanket rather as a sheet than a cover because he didn't know the fauna of this world and even small animals and insects could be dangerous and poisonous. The twigs and branches of the bush to his left side moved when the ancient Commander knelt down beside him, and John forced his eyes open again with effort, thinking that he owed Todd some answers and finally a honest talk about their complicated relationship.

“Todd, I'm...” he started, but the Wraith made a soothing purring sound that vibrated in his chest.

“We will talk, but not now. You're exhausted, you need to sleep, Sheppard,” he said, and John wanted to protest when Todd covered him with his heavy coat, but it felt nice and warm, and the faint smell of Todd's natural earthy Wraith scent was oddly comforting. So he simply snuggled under the black garment with a small sigh and closed his eyes again.

The ancient Commander remained kneeling by his side for a moment or two, and John could feel his thoughtful gaze on his own face. He'd never told him beforehand, but John had actually stopped fearing that Todd would try to feed on him some time ago, and he felt safe in the knowledge that the Wraith would watch over his sleep. Cool air was grazing his cheek when Todd moved backwards and rose to his feet again, and John felt strangely bereft of something precious.

“Todd?” he called, his voice already slurred with sleep approaching him fast. “I didn' thi'k that you'd feed 'n me 'gain...”

The rustling of grass stopped when the Wraith looked down at his curled up figure, and John felt something warm and very gentle brush against his sleepy mind for the blink of an eye. It didn't feel at all like the attempt of a forced intrusion or a threat, but more like some kind of a ghostly kiss, the impression of the softest of a caress, and it was gone right away again. John thought that it actually felt pretty nice and totally different from what he ever felt before, and that he wanted to have it again, when he was less confused and exhausted.

He was too tired to react and try to get a hold onto the mental kiss though, and the last thing he remembered before the slumber of exhaustion claimed him was the Wraith's low rumble as he said:

“Sleep, Sheppard, I shall be watching over you.”


	2. Convergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wakes up after a good night's sleep, and talking honestly to Todd is much easier on this morning than it was the previous day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really did mean for this story to have just two chapters. But John and Todd have other plans, and this is what came out of their demands to give them more time together before they'll reach the Stargate. I guess that the next chapter will happen under the moonlight once more...  
> If you liked this one, please let me know and leave kudos and comments, feedback is the best reward and motivation to write more about our boys! :-)

The yellow sun which the unnamed planet circled around had already started its daily journey and risen over the horizon to climb upwards in the cloudless sky when John woke up again after a good night's sleep, and he felt refreshed and eager to continue with their own journey towards the Stargate after getting up and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Good morning,” he greeted Todd, who was crouching by the fire and roasting two more of the potato-beans for breakfast. For a moment the colonel feared that things would be awkward between them after last night, and the sight of the Wraith dressed in tightly fitting black trousers and a similar tight black shirt with long sleeves that clung to his lean but yet so sculpted muscular torso like a second skin didn't really help to calm John's state of vague morning arousal down again either.

John had never seen Todd without his coat on, except for the weeks when the Wraith had been forced to wear the ridiculous and ugly gray jumpsuit - and which had had the shape, charm and sex-appeal of a potato-sack and hung around Todd's tall frame like the cowl of a monk who'd sworn to live a celibate life. Seeing the ancient Commander in his own Wraith clothes, his long hair cascading in untamed tousled waves over his broad shoulders was truly a mouth-watering sight, and the barely hidden powerful virility that was coming off of the other male in strong waves made his vague arousal turn into a pretty forceful one that wasn't lost on his alien companion.

Todd paused midway in his motion as he sniffed the air and then turned his head to gaze at the hazel-eyed colonel with raised brow-ridges in silent consideration and expectation, and John hastily excused himself to disappear behind a few tall trees and thick bushes until he had himself back under control again and was able to see to his bodily needs without making any more fool of himself.

Todd looked up from his job as a temporary cook for a second time – and as such a surprisingly good and skilled one – when John came back to the clearing after taking care of his business and splashing cold water into his face, and John was deeply grateful that there was only the faintest hint of amusement and glee visible in his yellow-golden cat's eyes, and that Todd's features were a mask of engaging and polite business to make it easier for him.

“Good morning, Shepparrrrd, I hope you slept well.”

“Yes, I did. Thank you for the coat. It... it was nice to have it as a cover against the cold,” John thanked him for the generosity with a cautious but genuine smile. It was pointless to keep up the pretense of self-righteous mistrust and disgust for any longer after what had happened last night, and John was honest enough to admit that his behavior and the way he'd always treated Todd had come from his fear and unwillingness to face the truth about himself and all of his suppressed feelings.

He'd used Todd's need to feed on human life-force in order not to die of starvation as the poor excuse to push the Wraith he secretly desired so much away again and again each time the ancient Commander had come too close to him, and he still wasn't sure whether or not he was actually ready to talk about his feelings. Running away from the Wraith – and himself – had always seemed to be so much easier than to act on his desire, and the mere thought of finally acknowledging the part of himself he'd ignored for so long was still scaring the shit out of him, but he could at least accept Todd's honest offer for friendship and collaboration and stop treating him like a hated enemy at last.

He took the coat from where he'd hung it over a thick branch earlier to brush it off and hand it back to its owner, and the Wraith inclined his head to thank him and took it to slide his arms through the long sleeves. He didn't close the fastenings, though, just let the long back of the garment billow over the small rock he was sitting upon, and John did his best not to stare too openly at the broad chest that was still visible beneath the heavy garment.

“You're welcome, Sheppard,” Todd said, and he sounded surprised and a little bit wary about the change in John's behavior, but not as cold and reserved as he'd sounded yesterday any longer. “Your breakfast is ready. We should leave this place soon and try to make as many miles as possible until noon. It was already afternoon when we...hmm... landed here yesterday, and if I'm guessing right, then it will get pretty hot around midday, so we'll need to take a break and rest for a couple of hours then. I would like to use the cooler hours in the morning, late afternoon and early evening for walking. I think we both agree that our quick return to Atlantis is essential to avoid more hostile actions between our species that will surely result from our sudden disappearance if we don't make it back in time before such actions will start and endanger the truce we have managed to achieve so far.”

“That sounds sensible, and yes, we both agree on that,” John agreed, sitting down by the fire to take the twigs with the vegetables. “We should reach the Stargate tomorrow, even when we take a longer break today. Let's just hope that your crew and my people will be too busied with searching for us before they focus on attacking the other party – and that Larrin will for once be helpful and tell Richard or Major Lorne what happened truthfully and not change the story to appear as the victim.”

Todd looked pleased that John acknowledged Larrin's schemes for what they were for the first time, and John's heart sped up when the Wraith smiled at him. He found himself not to be as eager to reach the gate as he'd been last night before Todd had confronted him with some painful truths, and the only reason that urged him on was his worries about his friends and the knowledge that they must be worrying about him and his well-being just as much.

There would be more hostility between their species if Woolsey and his team thought the Wraith Commander they'd wanted to negotiate with to be responsible for their disappearance, and John really wanted to avoid another war breaking out between them and making the progress they had achieved since their return to Pegasus to be in vain. Larrin and her Travelers would not really cooperate and admit their part in the last fateful events without being forced to do so, that much was clear, and John felt anger rising in his guts when he thought back of what she had done and that he was trapped on this planet only thanks to her plots and schemes. Todd was right with what he'd said about her, and John wouldn't walk into her trap that easily the next time they met.

The hazel-eyed colonel sighed and focused on his food again, wanting to leave the lovely clearing soon to reach the Stargate because he started to feel nervous about everything that could go wrong if they didn't show again in Atlantis soon enough to explain what had truly happened – and that they were both fine and well. The clearing was a beautiful and peaceful place, but the revelations and confession that had been made under the light of the big moon last night still made him feel uncomfortable, and he was grateful that the Wraith accepted his privacy and left him alone for the time being.

Todd began to break their camp very carefully while John was enjoying his breakfast, killing the fire and removing the makeshift roof from the bushes, and his intention was clearly born out of his wish to leave the wild nature as intact as possible after their departure, something only few people John knew would do with such care. Teyla and Ronon, his XO Major Lorne if he had the time to do so perhaps, but most of the others would just extinguish the fire and continue on their way without bothering about other things.

“Are all of your brethren as careful as you are when it comes to such things, Todd?” he asked around his bite as he made an overall gesture with his hand, and the Wraith paused in his doing and looked up at him. He'd been busied with watering the still hot ashes in the middle of the stony circle he'd set up for the fire last night, and there was a small stripe of dirt on his forehead where he'd stroked his hair out of the way earlier. Seeing that even proud immortal Wraith Commanders were not charmed against such mishaps seemed to be such a human thing to be that John's throat tightened, and he reached out with his hand before he could stop himself to gently wipe the dark soil away from the smooth pale-green skin of the ancient male.

Todd went completely still, and he reminded John a bit of a stray tomcat that wanted to be stroked but wasn't sure at the same time whether the boy stroking him was a nice human or rather someone who drew pleasure out of harming animals. It was a rather poor comparison of course, but yet strangely fitting – as the ancient Commander had suffered more terrible things that had been done to him in human custody than any other Wraith in this galaxy, John was sure of that.

“There was a stain on your face,” he clarified, and he felt reluctant to pull away from the smooth cool skin, but he didn't want to press his luck either, and the truce they had agreed on last night was nothing more than a temporary ceasefire, and not a real peace treaty yet – as John was acutely and painfully aware of.

“Thank you.” Todd sat back on his heels, and John's hand fell down. He took another bite from the potato-bean to busy both of his hands with holding the twig that was drilled through his food, and Todd resumed his task and put stones onto the now cold and wet fire place.

“To answer your question, Sheppard: No, not all of my brethren are as careful as I am when it comes to leaving nature as intact as possible and not bringing any further harm to the flora and fauna of other planets that would destroy the often rather fragile natural balance of these worlds. Wraith are individuals like any other living beings, something you must still come to understand. My kin is not a homogeneous bulk of ruthless killers without any sense of what is wrong and what is right, and we are different individuals with different needs and beliefs.

I know that you'd made only bad and horrible experiences with my race before you and I met, and I am aware that your offer for a temporary alliance to escape Kolya was not born out of any kind of sympathy you were feeling for me in this bunker, but only out of your strong will to survive and return to your friends. No other human I'd met in ten thousand years before you had ever honored a bargain that had been made between my race and theirs – except our worshipers, that is - but you did that and let me live when you could easily have killed me. It was a totally new concept for me that there were humans I could actually be able to trust one day, and I had to learn this lesson the hard way as much as you still have to learn yours, John.

What would you say if someone would tell you that all humans are the same – and that you all are bloody killers? Wouldn't you object and say that this is way too simple and far away from the truth?”

John took his time to finish his breakfast before he gave Todd the answer he was waiting for, thinking carefully about the Wraith's question instead of acting out of old habits and denying the truth behind his words right away and without thinking. It was a small but important progress, and Todd was patient enough to wait until John put the stick away and met his calm gaze.

“You have once said that there is a lot about Wraith I don't know, and I think that you're right with that. My people and I have actually tried to learn as much about your kin as we were able to do since our first arrival in Pegasus, we even tried to build an alliance with one of your queens, but it went all terribly wrong, and getting to know someone who is trying to eat you the second you're coming closer to them is not really possible – it's at least pretty hard and doomed to fail most of the time.”

He did his best not to let his words sound like a reproach or accusation, and Todd slowly nodded his head.

“I'm aware of that, John, and I haven't forgotten that you'd already attempted to build an alliance with another Wraith clan before we met. Your intentions were for sure honest and perhaps even to be called noble, but you and your expedition team made the mistake of thinking that such an alliance could only work if my kin would become human like you are, and you failed to see that the prospect of becoming human and losing our own identity with that was not as worthwhile from our perspective as it was from yours.

The thought of becoming entirely human is a deterring one for most of my brethren, and we must find another way for an alliance, a way that will allow us to stay true Wraith and ally with your people without giving up our entire selves. Would you be willing to become Wraith and give up literally everything that defines you as a human being just like that in order to save this galaxy, John? Are you even aware of what such a change would do to us and mean by a long shot? What we would have to give up for you without getting anything in return that could possibly make up for all the losses we would suffer? The loss of our healing powers, for example – our immortality. Would you be willing to give up on that if you were in our shoes, John?”

John flinched, and he reflexively raised his hands in defense. “No, surely not. I would never...”

He paused, sighed, and lowered his hands down to rest them on his thighs again. “I guess I never saw it that way. From our perspective, your race becoming fully human seemed to be the only possible way – and as we had the retro-virus and already knew that it worked, it also seemed to be the easiest way to end the threat Wraith are to human life. But after our experiences with... Michael – and what happened to you and your crew back then, when you used the retro-virus on yourselves, I must admit that we were wrong about that.”

John had thought such a confession to be much harder for him to make than it actually was, and he he offered Todd a crooked smile when the Wraith touched his hand with his long fingers for a brief moment. “There is a proverb on Earth that would also be fitting if transferred to your situation:

 _'You can get the human out of the Wraith, but never the Wraith out of the human.'_ \- meaning that even if we manage to erase the Iratus-DNA from your kin, your Wraith instincts will still always survive and remind you of what you have once been, despite the memory loss that usually comes with the treatment of the retro-virus on your race.”

“Exactly, Sheppard. A real alliance can only work when we finally start to accept each other the way we are and begin to trust the other one without wanting to change them for our own good.” Todd raised his hand to silence him when John opened his mouth to protest.

“Our need to feed on human life-force is the reason for the conflict between Wraith and humans for millennia, and we must work on a solution for that – but together and without either of us needing to give up everything that defines us for such a collaboration and alliance, John. I do believe that working on this solution together, humans and Wraith side by side to reach that goal, is what will cement our friendship in the end. Not all Wraith clans will agree to that – and not all human populations living on the different worlds in his galaxy will agree to that greater goal either, but as long as you and your people will trust me and my allied Wraith, we well succeed and prove to all doubters that peace and trust between our races is possible. Others will follow our example eventually, but for that to happen, you must finally learn to trust me, John.”

John swallowed, but he knew that Todd was right with all he'd said. “It's not you I don't trust, Todd,” he murmured after a moment of silence, “but I'm trying, okay?”

The Wraith nodded and rose to his feet. He looked disappointed for a split second, but not angry, and John knew that he was truly lucky that Todd was still willing to give him another chance despite of the many chances he'd already been granted in the past – and which he'd always fucked up so spectacularly.

“We need to leave this place and continue on our way, Sheppard,” was all he said, and John nodded and took his bag to follow him into the forests. When he reached the edge of the clearing, he turned around to throw one last glance back at the beautiful place, and he gave the silent promise to himself that one day he would return here together with Todd, return to this beautiful and peaceful place where he'd sat under the silver moon and finally realized his true feelings.

*~*~*

They didn't talk much during their march through the wilderness, except for the necessary things when they needed to round an obstacle or discuss the right direction, and John had more than enough time to think once more, something he appreciated a whole lot more today than he'd been able to appreciate it the previous day.

Todd's words had given him a lot to think about anyway, and he picked up on it later when they had found a shady place under a tall tree with a large canopy of leaves to rest there during the hottest hours of the day. The ancient Commander had found another small creek flowing nearby with his heightened senses, and John was grateful that he didn't need to ration their water supplies and worry about getting enough water along their way.

The vegetables Todd had fried for him were not only edible and much more tasty than his energy bars, they also had a lasting satiating effect, and he didn't feel really hungry and was happy with drinking half of the contents of his water bottle and then taking a nap after their tiring trip through the vast woodland until it would be cooler again.

When he woke up again, he found the Wraith standing under another tree and looking into the distance, presenting his side and his profile to his human companion. He seemed to be lost in deep contemplation, and John used the short moment until Todd's sharp predatory instincts would alert him of the human's wakefulness to regard the ancient Commander and appreciate not only his striking alien beauty, but also his alluring otherness to his own nature and appearance.

Todd had closed the fastenings of his coat when they had left the clearing, and John was reminded once more that Wraith reacted differently to heat and cold than humans did. The Wraith looked perfectly fine, even though it was still hot, and he held his face into the soft breeze that was moving the leaves and granting some relief from the slowly fading midday heat.

“You're awake, Sheppard.”

It was a statement again, not a question, and Todd didn't turn his head to look at him as he spoke to him, but kept gazing at a spot somewhere behind the branches and leaves of the tree.

“Yes, I am. How long did I sleep?” he yawned and took a quick glance at his watch, but it was still showing the time in Atlantis and didn't really help him with judging how much time had passed when it came to the rotation of this world.

“Not that long, and it is clear that you needed to rest. We still have several hours left until it will become dark, and it should be cool enough now to continue our journey, when you have drunk some more. I've collected some berries, they have a rather bitter taste, but they're rich of the essential nutrients your human physiology requires.”

Todd left his spot under the tree and came over to where John was sitting under the other tree, leaned against its thick trunk. He pulled something out of the pocket of his coat, and John could see some violet berries wrapped into a large leaf. Bitter was usually a taste that went along with poison, but John trusted Todd in this matter again. The Wraith would gain nothing out of poisoning him on purpose, and he wouldn't offer the fruit to him if he weren't sure that John could eat them without becoming sick afterwards.

“You have an astonishing knowledge of this kind of food,” was all he said, and he didn't ask this question out of mistrust, but out of simple curiosity.

Todd sat down beside him and pulled his knees up to his chest to wrap his arms around them. He leaned against the trunk with a small rumbling sound and finally turned his head to look at John fully. They were sitting rather close to each other, and John found that he didn't mind that only the slightest this time.

“Young Wraith eat solid food until they reach their adolescence, and a lot of Wraith enjoy the experience of its taste and flavor. Not all of us are opposed to eating fruit, vegetables and meat. It's just that it doesn't sustain and nourish us any longer, it's simply a sensual and pleasurable experience for us. We're resistant against most kinds of poison, but as our human worshipers are dependent on food and we usually do care about their well-being, it's necessary for us to know about which plants are edible, and which are not and poisonous to our faithful charges.”

“That makes sense,” John agreed, taking one of the violet berries to taste it. Todd watched him with glittering yellow-golden eyes, and there was a strange emotion in his gaze, something that actually looked like tenderness. John felt his cheeks heat up with warmth that had nothing to do with the hot rays of the sun shining down on them, but he didn't look away like he'd done it in the past, but kept his eyes locked firmly on Todd's face.

“What you said earlier, about our first failed attempt to ally with your species,” he started while he was nibbling at the berries and thinking about what he wanted to tell his Wraith companion. Their taste was not as bitter as he'd thought it to be, and their juice moistened his dry throat, which he was really grateful for.

“I did not say that to judge you, Sheppard,” Todd replied when John didn't continue to speak for several long seconds. “This is not about guilt and wrong or right, as such discussions won't get us anywhere and will only serve to deepen the gap between our two species. All I'm asking you is to try and see our side and understand what such a big change of our true nature would mean for us. Coming to a real understanding for the other one and being willing to compromise and accept the differences between our races will be crucial for the future of both of our species.”

“Yes, thank you, Todd.” John swallowed the berries down and smiled at the ancient Commander. “It will be hard and difficult, and you know that not all of my people will feel the same way about that – Ronon for example. But I will do my best, I promise you.”

“As long as you and I will both try and not let mistrust, anger, fear and hate rule our relationship any longer, I have actually high hopes for a peaceful future for all of us, John,” the Wraith assured him, and John felt a wave of relief and hope surge through him at his words.

“Thanks, Todd, that means a lot to me,” he offered in return, jerking his head in the direction of the green bushes and trees. “We'd better get up and back on track. As much as I appreciate the beauty of this world, but I need to go back to Atlantis to avoid Woolsey and Lorne making any decisions based on wrong assumptions and the biased and altered information Larrin might give them. And you must return to your Hive and try to convince the other Commander that Larrin acted on her own and not on my orders.”

The ancient Commander nodded and rose to his feet, but his eyes were still glittering when he said: “Maybe we can come back here one day, Sheppard? I find that I enjoy our forced solitude here much more than I probably should.”

It was the same for John, but he wasn't going to make it that easy for the Wraith, and so he just glanced at him and shrugged his shoulders with one of his crooked smiles.

“Maybe one day, Todd. But only if I can have your coat as a cover again.”

“This can surely be arranged, Sheppard,” the Wraith rumbled, taking the lead again, and John followed him into the wilderness once more, smiling on the whole way to their next resting place for the night.


	3. By the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next night, under the moon and sitting by the fire, John and Todd have another heart-to-heart talk that will change their relationship forever as they finally leave the shadows of their past behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of this story. It has been sitting in my mind for a long time. A huge thank you to all of you who followed John and Todd's journey through not only the wilderness of a beautiful world, but also through their own past and the history they share together. Thank you to all who left kudos and comments or simply just read it, I hope that the last chapter will be enjoyable to read as well! <33

They kept walking until night was falling over the planet again, mostly in silence as finding their way through the wilderness and not losing track of the right direction to the Stargate proved itself to be rather difficult - even for Todd – but it was a companionable silence and gave John the opportunity to think about his feelings and what the last two days would actually mean for his future relationship with the ancient Wraith Commander.

He couldn't keep up the pretense of disgust and hate any longer, that much was clear. Not now that he knew that Todd had always known about his desire for him – and not after all the unspoken things between them that had finally been addressed.

The hazel-eyed colonel prided himself on being strong and physically fit, but he was yet deeply grateful when they found a place where they could spend the night after walking through the woods for a whole day. Their path had led them through a narrow valley alongside another creek for the past couple of hours, and it opened to another clearing when the shadows became already longer and the orange glow of the setting sun colored the thick canopies of the tall trees with streaks of red and gold. There was even a cave at the base of the hill to their left side, its dark entrance looking like the yawning mouth of a sleeping giant. It was a good place to stay for the night they both decided, even though the still visible traces a rather large animal had left nearby indicated that this cave was probably used by some of the world's predators on a regular basis.

The hollow was currently vacant as they explored it, though, and the opening was large enough to allow them making a campfire at the entrance that would also keep possible animal occupants away and in safe distance from them.

They negotiated on their respective tasks for each of them to set up the camp quickly and without any serious argument, and John busied himself with collecting firewood and branches and twigs for some makeshift beds because the cave-floor was too cold and hard to sleep comfortably on it without any protection, while Todd went deeper into the forest to search for more berries and edible vegetables and refill their water supplies. He came back by the time when the campfire was already burning, its flames dancing cheerfully in the dark gray of the early night that surrounded them.

John had taken the opportunity to wash himself more thoroughly with the water from the creek, well aware of the sensitive sense of smell his companion possessed. He'd also washed his shirt and laid it out next to the fire to let it dry, wearing his jacket without his shirt underneath now.

Todd's gaze fell upon the piece of clothing, but he didn't comment on it, just raised his green-golden eyes to John's face as he offered more berries to him for his dinner.

“These should do until the vegetables are fried and edible for you, Sheppard,” he said, and John thanked him with a smile.

“I appreciate that, thank you, Todd.” John sat down in front of the fire to nibble at the berries and watch the Wraith drill sticks through two potato-beans with deft fingers and long-time practice. It didn't take long until their dinner was roasting over the flames, and John's stomach rumbled loudly in anticipation. The air was still rather warm after the heat of the day, and sitting by the fire it was even warmer. John pulled the zipper of his jacket down without thinking that he'd shed his shirt to wash it earlier, and he felt his cheeks warm up when a pair of glittering cat's eye traveled down on his figure to fixate on the stripe of pale-rosy human skin that was peeking out from beneath his opened jacket now.

The heat in his face had nothing to do with the heat of the fire, John was aware of that, and he swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat when Todd's gaze darkened and the thin paler white scars crossing over his sternum began to itch with the memory of the Wraith's feeding and the experience of the Gift of Life which was always lingering in the back of his mind ever since then all day and night, just waiting to rush back into his focus whenever Todd was around and came close to him.

He resisted the urge to rub them and ease the itching only with effort and tore his eyes away from the Wraith's face to focus his attention on the roasting vegetables instead as he slowly turned the sticks over the fire.

“I'm sorry, John.”

Todd's voice broke the heavy silence between them, and it took him off guard as he had expected Todd to respect his unspoken wish not to talk about what had happened in Kolya's bunker ever again.

He stilled his hand, his fingers clenching around the end of the stick he'd just turned. “I don't want to talk about it,” he said at last, his voice shallow and lacking any emotion as he refused to look at the ancient Commander and meet his eyes.

“I know, John. But we need to talk about it if we ever want to get past it for good.”

“I'm not sure I can do that, Todd,” John murmured after a minute or so, still staring down at the stick he held in his hand. The smell of something burnt penetrated the air, and he willed his fingers to unclench and turn the stick around to roast the other side of the potato-bean, the blackened side of it now pointing upwards and safe from the hot flame and further burning.

“Then at least listen to me, please,” Todd offered, and John let out a sigh but reluctantly nodded his head. He didn't want to listen, but the events of their first encounter would always stand between them if he didn't, and John was honest enough to acknowledge that he probably owed the Wraith Commander as much.

“You have already gotten your point across, Todd. You have been pretty clear that you won't apologize for having to feed on my kind, and even though you won't hear me offering understanding and real acceptance to your statement, but I can respect it as I do know that I cannot ask you to starve yourself to death for my sake. You _were_ starving in Kolya's captivity, and you didn't know me at all, so you surely don't have any reason to apologize now for feeding on me back then.” John said despite the truth that they needed to talk about their first meeting and what Todd had done to him back then, and he felt out of breath after his little speech because the lump growing bigger in his throat with every second made it hard for him to inhale and fill his lungs properly.

His head suddenly started to hurt, and he really hated that their truce and the peaceful mood he'd found himself in for almost the entire day had come to such an abrupt end because of Todd's bad-timed apology. It had been honest, this was clear, but John couldn't appreciate the sentiment behind it after the emotional roller-coaster he'd gone through ever since the other Wraith Commander had started firing at their Jumper two days ago.

“You're right with all you've said, John,” Todd gave back, and that he would use John's first name now of all times told the hazel-eyed colonel how important this talk was for the Wraith. John just nodded and didn't object, so the ancient Commander went on after a short pause.

“I was starved and I didn't know you, the hunger burning inside my body an endless agony that was slowly bereaving me of everything that defined me as an intelligent and sentient being. Kolya wanted to reduce me to some kind of mindless and soulless animal, and he'd almost succeeded with that when he caught you and had you brought to the cell next to mine.

But even though I felt my resolve, my sanity and my humanity fade more and more, I was still aware of what he was doing to me – and that I was losing my mental grip on all of these things and my entire self.”

Todd went silent again, and John wanted to laugh bitterly at the term 'humanity' the Wraith had just used to describe himself, but the sound died in his throat because he knew that Todd was right with all he'd said.

“Go on,” was all he could finally grind out between gritted teeth, and the tall Wraith inclined his head.

“I know that he was using my hunger against not only me, but against you and your people as well. I hated myself for being so weak that I played right into his hands and fed on you, even though it was so clear that you were different from any other human I'd ever met – and that you and your people could make a difference and give all of us hope to find new ways and paths to live together in the future, humans and Wraith.

Yes, Wraith kill humans when they feed on them in order not to die of starvation themselves, but what does it say about humans that are using Wraith to let them feed on their enemies to torture and defeat them?

Have you ever thought about that, Sheppard? We were both used, both victims of not only Kolya, but also of the circumstances that were beyond our control, and you might not believe me, but I hated feeding on you, even more because your life was the most delicious life I'd tasted within ten thousand years, so delicious that I craved more and more of it.

I was out of control like I'd never been before when I'd fed, and I hated it as much as I hated seeing you age under my hand, your precious strength taken away from you by me. It was me doing that to you, yes, but it happened on Kolya's order, and I always told myself that I hadn't had any other choice, that it wasn't my decision to take it, but even then I still knew that it hadn't been my right to take your life, not the way it actually happened. I hadn't fought against you in a fair fight, you hadn't gotten the chance to defeat me before I would take my 'rightful price', and Kolya had almost broken me, so I was too much of a coward to stand up against him. I saw you wither away under my hand, and I felt as ashamed as never before when you were still fighting and believing in your own strength and your people. You could barely stand on your own two feet any longer, and yet you held your head up so high and continued to fight and believe.

You were the one teaching me the lesson of honor and self-esteem – and to never lose both of them, not even in the face of death, John, and I will forever be indebted to you for that.

I am truly sorry for what I did to you when I thought that I had no other choice left, that I let this man use me as a tool to torture other humans to reach his goals, and I am sorry for all the other lives I took because of Kolya, but you are the only one left I can actually apologize to.

I don't expect you to forgive me for what I have done, Sheppard, or to ever forget it, but I wanted you to at least know how sorry I am. That I gave you back what I had taken from you can never undo the terrible things I did, but I am more grateful that I got the chance to restore your life than words can actually express.

You don't need to fear that I shall ever try feed on you again. I will rather end my own existence in this universe myself before doing that, so you'll never have to fear my feeding hand in the future ever again, John. Immortality is not only a gift, it can also be a burden too heavy to carry, and I could not live with the knowledge that I was the one taking your life because of my insatiable hunger and just to grant myself more years of existence while yours had ended far too soon.”

John sat there, his vacant eyes fixed on the stick in his hand, and he watched himself turning it steadily as if his fingers actually belonged to someone else.

“I didn't know that,” he croaked out after what felt like a little eternity to him, and cooler air was grazing his now pale face when the Wraith nodded his head.

“No, of course not. I cannot apologize for my need to feed. I'm Wraith, that's simply how and what I am, John. I didn't choose to be Wraith deliberately, I was born like that. But I am truly and incredibly sorry that I let another human use me like that for so many years, for being his willing tool and torturing innocent people on his command. I was weak and clung to my own miserable life, not willing to give up on it, and that he would have found another way to torture and kill his unfortunate prisoners can never be an excuse for what I did to them because I let him use me like that.”

Todd's voice was hoarse now as well, and John felt his anger fade away. He didn't know whether or not he could ever get over what had happened in Kolya's dungeon, but there were a lot of things he'd done as a soldier he would never forgive himself for either, and he and Todd were kindred spirits and had much more in common than they had not. Plus, John could finally admit and accept that the Wraith had been just as much of a victim just as he himself had been, the prisoner of a cruel individual that had loved torturing people and seeing them suffer just for the pleasure he'd gained out of it, no matter how much he'd claimed that he'd been forced to do that only for the sake of the greater behind and his own people.

But the more important thing was that Kolya still had them in their grip, even though his bones had been buried so long ago. His shadow was still looming over both of them, ruling their actions and behavior towards each other, and John realized that the cruel Genii would win in the end if John continued to hold Todd responsible for what he'd been forced to do in Kolya's captivity. Their chance for a new start, for peace and freedom for both humans and Wraith would be in vain if he couldn't let go of the past and forgive not only Todd but also himself for the things they had done and the decisions they had made.

He slowly raised his head and smiled at the Wraith who was sitting on the other side of the fire and watching him with dark orange-golden eyes, the mask of calm he wore on his alien features barely hiding his anxiety about John's next words.

The moon had risen over the dark-green roof of leaves above their heads, shining onto the clearing and bathing the meadow before the cave in its silvery light. Todd's face lay in the darker gray shadows as he was sitting with his back to the meadow, but John had no problems with reading his expression after all they had gone through together, and he didn't try to hide his own feelings from the Wraith when he said:

“Thank you for telling me all of this, Todd. You actually don't need my forgiveness, but I'll forgive you – if you are willing to do the same and forgive me for all the things I've said and done. You were Kolya's prisoner, and you didn't have any control over yourself and your actions, but I think we should eventually stop seeing us as his victims. We're both survivors, and he is dead. We should stop living under his shadow and finally leave the past behind. I don't say that it will be easy, but I really don't want to let him win in the end, and I think that you don't want that either, right?”

He let go of the stick to reach out and offer his hand to the ancient Commander, and the Wraith took it gratefully and gently squeezed his fingers.

“You're right with that, Sheppard. So we're finally good?”

John's smile deepened, and he squeezed back before he pulled his hand away to offer the roasted potato-bean to his companion.

“Yes, we are, Todd. Have dinner with me, please?” he asked, because talking about his feelings was still hard for him, and he hoped that his offer would tell Todd what he couldn't really put in words.

Todd gazed at the stick with the food for a moment before he accepted the offer for a real peace-treaty with a gracious nod of his head.

“I'd love to, John,” he thanked him, and then they were both silent again, smiling at each other and nibbling at their dinner while looking each other in the eyes the whole time.

*~*~*

Wraith didn't need to sleep as much as humans, but their march through the wilderness with Todd always taking the lead, and moving and cutting obstacles out of their way in the process, John had offered to take the first watch so his companion could get some rest for the last part of their journey to the Stargate. He'd had a long and undisturbed full night's sleep last night, and taken a refreshing nap around midday as well, and the colonel didn't feel sleepy as he stepped out of the cave as quietly as possible to stand on the meadow and let the moon shine down onto him.

John had never really been a skilled hunter, but his trained instincts as a soldier would warn him if any dangerous predator approached them before it could actually come too close to their clearing, and the quiet noises of the smaller animals that were active at night didn't give any indication that there was a threat coming their way either.

The air was considerably cooler now, but John didn't freeze, and he'd opened his jacket fully and was rubbing absently over the thin white lines that were the unmistakable proof his bond with the Wraith which fate had chosen to become his brother-in-arm. The hazel-eyed colonel could eventually acknowledge and admit the truth that he wanted Todd to be more to him than just his brother-in-arm and a friendly ally regarding a future alliance with his species, but he still didn't know how the Wraith truly felt about him, and his uncertainty made him feel restless and unable to remain sitting by the fire, so he'd decided that some distance between him and the slumbering alien would be better for both of them.

John didn't know how long he'd been standing on the clearing, motionless and just listening to the sounds of the night while the moonlight was forming a pale silver halo around him, when he became aware of the presence behind him. His sixth sense when it came to this special Wraith told him that it was Todd who approached him, and he remained motionless and silent, staying where he was and waiting for the other male to come to him.

When Todd reached him and wrapped his arms around him from behind, he didn't flinch, but accepted the embrace with a small sigh as he leaned back against the other one's broad frame.

“Shepparrrrd.” The Wraith purred his name and buried his nose in the tousled strands of John's short dark-brown hair, his clawed hand finding its way under the open half of his jacket to travel upwards on his stomach and stroke the warm skin reverently and with more purrs that vibrated against John's back. John shivered and closed his eyes in delight, one part of him still terribly scared about his overwhelming wish to give in to the seduction, while the other half of him was inwardly shouting _'yes, yes, yesssss, finally!'_

Todd's fingers came to a halt right above his sternum, the tips of his long nails resting on the thin scars the feeding and the Gift of Life had burnt into John's human flesh visibly for the rest of his life. It was his off hand, not his right, another evidence that the ancient Commander did his best to prove his good intentions to him. The hazel-eyed colonel didn't need such a proof any longer, he knew deep down in his heart that no harm would ever come to him from Todd's feeding hand ever again, but he appreciated the gesture and he arched into the touch ever so slightly to encourage the Wraith and assure him of his consent about their closeness.

“So I'm not the only one who's been thinking about this for a while, huh?” he asked, and Todd's rumbling chuckle tickled at his earlobe as he let his palm glide over the soft dark hair covering John's chest.

“No, you are not, Sheppard. I would have thought that this is obvious.”

“Uhm, not really, not to me at least.” John drawled, feeling stupid. Maybe this explained Teyla and Ronon's reaction whenever Todd had tried to come closer to John in the past, they were much less dense and oblivious when it came to such things than he actually was.

“This 'brother-thing' is not a real 'brother thing', then?” he wanted to know, and he couldn't keep the low moan inside that escaped him when Todd's fingers picked up on their journey along his torso and started to caress his chest and explore his nipples with tender curiosity. He felt himself harden in his BDU at the sensations the Wraith's playful discovery of his human landscape and physiology aroused in him, and the deep intake of air right next to his ear was another proof of Todd's superior sense of smell as his arousal must permeate the night air again.

“I'm not sure that I understand what you mean with that, Sheppard,” the ancient Commander purred, but he sounded distracted because he was still busied with exploring John's upper body and teasing his nipples into hard knobs.

“You don't feel the same way about me as you would about a real brother,” John tried to explain, and the skilled and clever fingers stopped their journey for a moment again. It made John regret that he'd asked this question in the first place.

“I'm aware that you're human and much more fragile than another Wraith is, so you don't need to fear that I will hurt you when I lie with you, John,” Todd rumbled against his vulnerable throat, and sharp teeth ghosting over his neck pulled another moan from him.

“That wasn't what I meant!” he gasped out, shuddering when Todd's right hand joined his left in its attempt to drive him crazy with longing and desire.

“Then what _did_ you mean, Shepparrrd?” Todd sounded confused, and a bit irritated about John's insistence, and the hazel-eyed colonel decided that he could just let go of the topic as the concept of human sibling-relationships was apparently not known among Wraith and not what Todd had in mind when he referred to him as his 'brother' anyway.

“Forget it, it's not really important,” he murmured, turning around in Todd's embrace to look at him. The Wraith had discarded his coat earlier to provide John with a blanket after his watch, and the moon was shining onto the tight black shirt and the well-toned muscles underneath, a mouth-watering sight that made John's heart beat hard and fast against his ribs with pure want.

“No, it's probably not,” Todd agreed, gazing down at the human in his arms. “You know that I won't hurt you, John, don't you? Not on purpose, at least, and I do hope that you will tell me if I do something you don't want without fearing my reaction.”

“Yes, I know that, Todd. I trust you, I really do – and I will tell you, don't worry. We both want this, at least I really want this...”

“I want it too, more than anything, John.” Todd gazed down, and John looked up, and their faces came closer to each other until their lips almost touched. John didn't know whether or not Wraith kissed with those razor-sharp teeth of theirs, and so he hesitated, but Todd chuckled and bridged the remaining distance between them, and it was quite clear that he knew what he was doing when he covered John's mouth with his own at last.

John's eyes fell shut, and he stopped thinking and worrying when cool lips moved over his own warmer ones for the first time, and he wrapped his arms around Todd's neck and pulled him close for their first kiss while the moon was bathing them in its light, a human and a Wraith alone on a beautiful but deserted world, but there was no other place where John would want to be other than standing here on this clearing, and feeling the strong arms of his Wraith around him.

*~*~*

They had made it back to the cave in between more heated and hungry kisses, and John had learned quickly that Todd was not only a pretty good kisser, but also a rather experienced one, which aroused the question in him, when and where the Wraith had learned kissing like a true expert.

The hazel-eyed colonel had never fully realized until now that he could be as jealous and possessive as he actually felt right now, but instead of starting another quarrel he opted for the next best solution to his problem: namely proving himself to be as skilled as the ancient Commander actually was and make him forget anybody else he might have known this intimately before him.

They were stumbling over to the makeshift bed made out of twigs, branches and leaves and Todd's coat, undressing each other impatiently on their way there. Their clothes piled up next to the mattress when they finally sank down on it in a heap of entangled limbs, their lips and tongues still busied with driving each other crazy quickly. John's lip felt tender where Todd's sharp blades had grazed it in their haste – mostly John's haste – and he could taste blood where a tiny red droplet had formed on it, but he didn't care about the small wound, and the Wraith licked the blood up with low purrs of pleasure rumbling in his throat, the tiny wound closing almost instantly when it had contact with the Wraith's salvia.

Hands were roaming over bare skin and naked flesh, one pair shimmering rosy in the combined light of silver moon and golden fire illuminating the cave, the other pair of an alien green-gray color that would usually bring fear and terror to any human being in the Pegasus Galaxy.

But not tonight, and not to this special human.

Tonight the greenish hands would bring greatest pleasure to the human who lay trapped beneath the Wraith, trembling with desire and need, and John dug his fingers into the hard muscles on Todd's back, scratching along the ridged spine he could feel under his fingertips until the ancient Commander growled passionately and pressed back into the touch, the evidence of his forceful desire for this special human leaking against John's thigh where it was nestled between their bodies. John was equally hard and aching, and he felt a bruise blooming on his throat where Todd was sucking at his damp skin, soothing the mark with the tip of his tongue before he went back to sucking the fragrant flesh into his mouth once more to make sure that his claim would be well visible for anyone doubting the true nature of their relationship.

“You don't happen to have something we can use as...?” John hardly recognized his own voice, so husky and needy, and his mind was clouded with lust and the pain of his unfulfilled desire for his Wraith.

“The enzyme, but you need to make it flow.” Todd gazed down at him with hungry golden eyes, the usually slotted pupils dilated to full rounds because of his own arousal, and he kissed John tenderly when the human unconsciously tensed up beneath him.

“Not like that, John. Sharing life-force with someone you love or at least care about is pleasurable and totally different from our feeding when we're hungry, but I wouldn't ask you to agree to our Wraith way of pleasuring each other – not now, not in the foreseeable future, and not at any time before you truly want it yourself and ask me to share this kind of intimacy with you,” he explained, his voice dropping to a low purring to soothe John, “but our handmouth is very sensitive and one of our erogenous zones, so if you caress it with your fingers or your lips, we should get enough enzyme for what we both crave.”

“Oh, well, if you're sure?” John peered at Todd's feeding hand which was hovering above his face, and he reached out to enclose the green wrist with his fingers and guide the palm with the feeding slit to his lips. He could see the slight pulsing of the small opening in the flickering light of the fire and feel Todd's manhood twitch against his hipbone in anticipation, smearing more precome over his thigh. His cock answered with a little jerk of its own, and warmth was pooling in his groin, the heat of his desire licking at the end of his spine.

At first he wasn't sure what to do, and he was cautious because he didn't want to hurt the Wraith. John didn't feel any fear that Todd could try to feed on him, but he feared that he would cause serious damage because of his ignorance when it came to regarding a Wraith's feeding organ as an erogenous zone and not the lethal threat it usually was for humans. Todd was watching him, lying motionless halfway beside him and halfway on top of him, and only the hard pressure on his thigh and his flaring nostrils and sensor pits gave his arousal and need away.

John dipped the tip of his tongue into the now gaping opening, very carefully and slowly, and his action earned him a hoarse moan from his Wraith and a slight shiver. Good, this seemed to please the ancient Commander, and John repeated his motion and licked along the slit, drawing more moans from the other male and coaxing the handmouth to answer to his ministration with a generous amount of enzyme. John felt excited about his discovery how to pleasure a Wraith by caressing his feeding hand, and pretty brave, too, and he used the thumb of his free hand to draw tender circles over the thick flesh of Todd's palm right where the wrist was while he teased the feeding slit with his lips and his tongue. The stinger extracted when he licked more forcefully, and Todd drew in a shaky breath and pressed his face against John's shoulder in the attempt to keep his self-control

“Could I make you come from that? I probably could,” John murmured thoughtfully, totally enthralled and caught up in what he was doing.

“Probably, Shepparrrrrd. But that's not what you want, right?” Todd gasped out, and John chuckled.

“Hmm, it would be worth a try. I would imagine that Wraith have enough stamina to go a second time – and maybe a third?” he challenged the ancient being, and the Commander growled fiercely and bit down onto his shoulder so hard that he drew blood.

“Don't try me, Shepparrrrd. It's not my stamina I'm worried about.” he snarled, and John yelped at the sharp pain shooting through his abused flesh.

“Ouch, don't eat me! The last time was already bad enough!” But he was just teasing his Wraith, and that they had reached the point that he actually _could_ tease him like that was evidence enough how far they'd finally come on this journey.

“Shepparrrrd, please!” Todd pleaded, and John felt powerful and amazing that he could turn the proud immortal male into a begging mess with his caresses. He focused on the task at hand again, literally, and for the next minutes he was enjoying himself with exploring the feeding organ that was responding to each of his caresses with more enzyme until Todd's entire hand was slick and dropping with it, and John's lips started to feel numb from the effort and the paralyzing effect it had.

Todd was panting by the time John released his feeding hand from his grip, and the passionate kiss he got as a reward for his special treatment was hard enough that he could still feel and enjoy it despite the numbness of his lips and tongue. Their tongues were dancing around each other when Todd inserted one finger to prepare him, and he chuckled and swallowed John's huskily whispered “watch your claws!” with his ardent mouth but assured him with a low rumble in return.

“Do not worry, human, I have done this before.”

“That's not what someone wants to hear when you're about to make love to them, you know?” John chided him, but the damn Wraith only grinned wolfishly at him, his long ruffled mane shimmering like silver threads in the moonlight shining into the cave.

“Why not? Don't you appreciate my experience, Shepparrrrd? I can assure you that you're the only one occupying my mind at the moment – and that you have been the only one occupying my mind and entering my dreams at night ever since we first met, so there's no need to be jealous instead of just grateful that I actually know what I'm doing without hurting you.”

“The only one, really?” John asked eagerly, and his attempt to appear nonchalant failed when the clever finger brushed over this sensitive spot inside him all of a suffer and his whole body jerked and arched with the sensation.

“Fuck, woahh, God yes, right there!” Stars exploded before his eyes, and John forgot his jealousy and stopped thinking all together. Todd moved his digit in a steady rhythm, and he brushed over John's prostate with every move until John had to bite his lip to keep the embarrassing noises inside he wanted to make. He didn't really notice it when a second finger joined the first, and then the third one, he was too busied with just feeling and enjoying. Todd watched him the whole time, his golden gaze glittering in the dancing shadows in the cavern that served as their temporary home, and John feared that he would come just from Todd's fingers inside him, and from the way the incredible hard Wraith cock pulsed against his abdomen each time the other male bent down to kiss him ardently.

“I'm ready, Todd, please!” John moaned, and the Wraith snarled and pulled his fingers out to wrap his slick palm around his own hard flesh and move his hand up and down on his green-grayish member to line himself up with the enzyme. John stared breathlessly, and he swallowed as he realized how long and big Wraith were in this section and compared to the average human man.

“I won't hurt you, John,” the Commander murmured into his ear, “the enzyme will ease the way and numb the burn from the first intrusion.”

“I know... it's just that you're so big...” John tore his eyes away from the aroused cock to look into Todd's eyes again instead, and his Wraith smiled down at him.

“I will be gentle, John,” he promised in a solemn voice that sent shivers down on the colonel's spine.

“I trust you, Todd,” he gave back as he did his best to relax and welcome his lover in his body without fighting against the intrusion. It didn't burn as much as he'd expected it to burn, the enzyme indeed helping along the way when Todd pushed in, and the overwhelming feeling of finally being one with the Wraith he'd desired for so long made him forget his discomfort and pull the ancient Commander down onto his body. They paused for a moment to savor their first time being truly one to the fullest, and Todd bent down to kiss him again, tenderly and with all the feelings he hadn't been allowed to show for so long. He'd never felt so full in his life before, and never so cherished and desired, and John buried his fingers in Todd's long mane and kissed him.

“Shepparrrrd,” Todd purred, and John smiled up at him.

“Todd.” For the first time in his life John felt at peace with himself, whole and that the he had reached the end of the long journey, a journey that had led him to another galaxy, two million light years away from the planet where he'd grown up, but never really felt at home, no matter where his journey had led him.

“I'm not good at this whole talking about feelings stuff,” he murmured, and Todd inclined his head and trailed along his stubbly cheek with a tender finger.

“You don't need to talk, John. You can show me how you feel.” he said as he started to move, slowly pulling out and pushing back into him with steady motions, all over again until John's world shrank to the makeshift bed underneath him and the Wraith above him, his naked body illuminated by the golden flames of the slowly dying fire and the moon that was making its way over the night sky, unfazed by the daily struggles and fights for survival of the residents of this beautiful but lonely world.

“Take me, take all of me,” John gasped out, his nails scratching over Todd's back as he tried to pull him even closer and feel him deeper inside his secret core. His neglected cock was rubbing against the steel-hard muscles of Todd's abdomen with every move and every pull and push, and he arched against the Wraith in the desperate search for more friction, more sensations, more of everything.

John hadn't appreciated the wild alien beauty of the ancient Commander beforehand, he hadn't traced along the elegant black lines of the tattoos covering Todd's body in complicated patterns, and tonight wasn't the right moment to do that, even though the light of the moon were shining onto them and making them shimmer like liquid naquadah. His gaze was caught by the way Todd's bare shoulders moved as he drove into him again and again, his long wavy mane cascading over his back and covering his face like a silken curtain.

Todd looked like the ancient warrior of a long gone past on Earth to him, and everything tightened inside the colonel with a hot wave of longing and want. The Wraith's alien features were contorted with lust, and his eyes glowed dark in his pale-gray face with desire and possessiveness. John knew that his own face showed a similar expression, and he pulled at Todd's long hair to drag him in for another kiss, Todd mirroring the movements of his cock buried so deep inside John's body with his tongue, imitating the act of lovemaking they were performing with their united bodies.

John's desire was spiraling higher and higher, and he could feel Todd grow harder inside him as they were chasing their release. He tried to snake his hand between their bodies to touch himself, but the Wraith gently pushed his hand to the side and reached for John's leaking member instead, the handmouth of his feeding hand pulsing against his hard shaft when Todd started to stroke him in time to his thrusts. The colonel met the hard thrusts as best as he could being pinned to the mattress by Todd's much heavier body weight, and he felt vulnerable, strong and cherished at the same time.

Todd moved faster, and he increased the pressure of his hand on John's aching cock, his thumb brushing over the slick and engorged head and pulling heavy shivers from his human lover with his caresses.

“Mine, Shepparrrrrd, you're mine,” Todd growled into his ear, and the possessive sound of his voice was enough to push John over the edge and right into the abyss of satisfaction, the pleasure coursing through him so intense that it was almost painful. Wave after wave shot through him, making his manhood explode in the Wraith's feeding hand, and his seed intermingled with the enzyme that was still coating Todd's palm.

John heard himself groan, gasp and pant, and his body jerked and shuddered violently through his forceful height until he was totally spent and had nothing more to give. Todd followed him when he slumped back down onto the Wraith coat that served as a sheet over the twigs and branches, the black leather-like Wraith skin still emanating Todd's musky male scent. John's eyes felt so heavy with pleasant exhaustion, but he didn't want to miss the sight of the impressive male coming inside him, and he strained his tired eyes as he took in the sight of the alien features, suffused with lust and pleasure as he pushed into John one last time and threw his head back with a loud roar of satisfaction.

John's breath hitched in his throat at the incredible view right above him, and the warm feeling of tenderness in his chest was stronger than anything he'd ever felt for any other being.

“Todd...” he whispered, and he held his exhausted mate tight when Todd relaxed with a purr and pressed his face against his throat again, where he'd left his purple-red claim on his skin.

“Uh, that was pretty wow!” the hazel-eyed colonel finally murmured into the soft white strands of Todd's hair, and the Wraith purred in response and kissed him.

“That it was.” He lifted his head when he pulled out and lay down beside John, using some of the leaves that were covering the floor of the cave to wipe both of them clean before he reached for their discarded clothes.

“As much as I would love to feel your bare skin against mine while you sleep, but it will be better that we dress again – just to be prepared in case that we'll have an encounter with one of the rightful residents of this world.” he said, and John made a protesting noise but obeyed and dressed with drowsy motions before he curled himself up in Todd's strong arms and against his broad frame.

“Sleep, Sheppard, I'll watch over you,” the Wraith murmured into his ear, and John obeyed happily and without any objection for once, closing his eyes and falling asleep with one heartbeat and the next, Todd's steady purring following him into his slumber of pleasant satisfaction.

*~*~*

They reached the Stargate around noon the next day.

John had feared that things would be awkward between them when he'd woken up and Todd hadn't lain beside him any longer, but the Wraith had smiled at him when he'd stepped out of the cavern and taken him in his arms for a moment, and breakfast had gone by with some lighthearted talks and teasing.

They had broken their camp as carefully as the last one, doing their best not to leave any more traces and damage as strictly necessary, and Todd had promised him to go back to this world one day, when things would be settled and the negotiations with the other Wraith faction hopefully led to a future alliance.

John had followed the tall Commander through the forests once more, and the silence between them was owed to their focus on their surroundings as their brief tender smiles and touches cemented their new relationship to each other each time they took a short break from walking to orientate themselves.

John stood beside Todd as the Wraith dialed the address that would hopefully bring them back to Atlantis, the control device to send his personal code through the protection shield in his hand.

“Colonel Sheppard! It's good to know that you're alive! Is Todd there with you? We've already sent out search parties for you, but we didn't know to which gate you'd managed to escape, and the other Commander couldn't help us either. He contacted us after the attack of the Traveler ships, thank God he did. Larrin for once admitted that she hadn't acted on our behalf before things escalated, and the Commander and Todd seem to share a history together, so he was willing to believe us that we had no ill intentions when we proposed this meeting with his Hive.” Richard Woolsey's distorted voice sounded through the connection, and John couldn't remember he'd been so happy to hear the other man's voice.

“Todd is here with me, we're both alive and healthy and eager to come back home to Atlantis, but the Jumper is damaged and we had to walk back to the Stargate to contact you. I'm glad to hear that the other Commander believed you!” he gave a quick report about their own status, “but can we please talk about this later when we're back in the city? I'm longing for a nice and long shower.”

“Of course, Colonel. You can go through, the shield is down,” Woolsey hurried to assure him, and John turned around to Todd and grinned at him.

“Do Wraith take showers?”

The Wraith grinned back at him. “Wraith actually prefer taking baths in large pools, but I'm open for testing one of your showers, preferably together with you – just to instruct me how your showers are working, of course? It's never too late and one is never too old to learn something new, right?” he retorted, and John's grin widened.

“I'll be happy to teach you some new things, Todd,” he said, beckoning him to step through the event horizon. “After you, Commander. Let's hope that Mr. Woolsey will be content with a quick briefing before he'll expect us to give him a full report of the past three days. I really want to take that shower with you.”

“You won't hear any objections coming from my side, Sheppard,” the ancient Commander assured him, and together they stepped through the wormhole, a Wraith and a human that had finally left the shadows of the past behind to build a new peaceful future for all of them.


End file.
